


Just breathe, you idiot.

by marvelous_space_nerd



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bind safely, Hurt Jaskier | Dandelion, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Original Character(s), Trans Jaskier | Dandelion, Trans Male Character, dont fucking do it, trans!Jaskier, unsafe binding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:34:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23974576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelous_space_nerd/pseuds/marvelous_space_nerd
Summary: It has been a long day. Geralt and Jaskier got kicked out of town, and one idiot just needed to wake Geralt up in the middle of the night, barely being able to take a single breath.ORThe consequences of very unsafe binding featering one idiotic bard
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 23
Kudos: 254





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Me once again projecting my own problems onto characters I like? It's likelier than you might think.

'You can't kick us out we already paid for that room!' 

'Jaskier, don't-'

'No Geralt, we helped them! You killed that griffin for them and they didn't even want to pay you. And now they're kicking us out for absolutely no reason at all!' The bard said, now turning to the innkeeper. 'And you- Look I really am tired, we paid and you have no real reason to kick us out, so  _ please _ , be reasonable and let us stay.’

The alderman, who gave out the contract and somehow seemed to be the reason behind all of this stood up and turned to the innkeeper, not looking at Geralt an Jaskier. ‘Give them their coin back so this scum can leave. And don’t you dare start about losing money, I want them gone and I want them gone now.’ He said before turning to Geralt ‘We don’t want emotionless mutant here, and their followers can fuck off too’

‘Oh you're really in for it now’ said the bard, now furious ‘So first you don't want to pay the man who rid you from a griffin, who killed people and had no intention of stopping. Which  _ honestly,  _ that’s his job, you pay people for doing their job. And now it’s getting dark you want to chase us out of town, after we _ helped you.  _ Oh and now that I'm at it, you charged us an awful lot for that room. And before I forget to mention this, YOU ARE ALL INDIVIDUALLY PIECES OF-’

‘Jaskier that’s enough!’ Geralt was now holding a few crowns and he grabs Jaskier by his arm, who kept on yelling at everyone as Geralt dragged him out of that inn.

‘Jaskier’ the witcher sighed ‘If we yell at every inn where they don’t treat us fairley, everyone will start to think the rumours are true, and I won’t even find any work anymore. We have to show them that we aren’t what they say-’

‘Oh piss off,’ somehow he seemed to be out of breath from all of that yelling he did. Geralt thought that it was strange, but he was too tired to ask about it. That bard will probably spit it out somewhere in the evening. ‘That wasn’t fair and you know it. Rumours or no rumours, you helped them’ The pair was now making their way over to Roach and all of their belongings. They checked and nothing seemed to be stolen so they started looking for a place not to close to this shithole to make camp. They both mounted Roach, not only because it would be faster, but Geralt also knew how fast the troubadour was out of breath after a long day on the road. His breaths seemed to be so short this night, but Geralt knew that asking about it wouldn't be of any use. This was the one thing the bard never seemed to talk about, not even when he asked about it.

‘It’s nothing’ He always said. It was the only time he gave a short to-the-point answer.

‘No Jaskier it’s not nothing _ ’ _ He would say, as if it would ever help ‘You seem to be in pain and you can barely  _ breathe,  _ that’s not nothing’

‘Well maybe, just maybe I do know what I'm doing and maybe you don’t have to meddle in  _ my _ business. So Geralt, if you could, don't interfere with  _ my  _ business’ Sometimes he would cough while saying it, sometimes he would shout it and one time he even physically fought him. Jaskier lost that fight miserably (even though he would never admit it), but even when Geralt had him pinned to the ground he didn't say anything. Geralt gave up on asking after that, instead he made sure he could relax a bit when it got really bad. Tonight seemed to be one of those nights, so Jaskier was allowed to ride Roach with him.

After an hour, but what felt like days due to Jaskier’s coughing and other indications to tell him that he was in pain, they arrived by a clearing in the woods. The worst part was that he knew Jaskier would never allow him to help in any way or form, so he did the next best thing, make his evening a little bit easier than normal.

‘We can make camp here. There’s enough wood to make a decent fire without needing to look for it.’ He got of Roach expecting Jaskier to follow, but he just stared out in front of him.

‘Jaskier.’

‘Uhm.. yeah right, sorry. I'll just.. get of Roach. Yeah..’ He was so breathless and he didn’t even do a lot, he just sat on Roach for an hour, and his breaths were so short.  _ “Why won’t that idiot let him help?” _

‘Let me help. No protest’

‘No.’ His hands directly grabbing his chest ‘Geralt you.. you know I won’t let you’

‘Off Roach Jaskier, I know you're idiotic enough to never let me help with that’

‘Oh right.. Well then prince charming… catch me’ He spread his arm towards Geralt and Geralt put his arms around Jaskier’s torso, secretly checking for injuries. Jaskier lowered himself as Geralt caught him and gently put back on his feet. ‘Thank you, I’ll just.. start making a fire as you do whatever witchers who have no idea how to let people treat them do.’

‘No. I’m making the fire, you're is putting your bedrole in place and you're going to rest.’ The bard’s expression changed from very tired to shocked, and Geralt couldn't care less. He knew that things would be better in the morning, that idiot needed to sleep as soon as possible.

‘Geralt,  _ darling,  _ I can still collect the firewood as always. Trust me when I say it's better if you let me do it’

‘We don’t need to. There’s enough here we don't have to look. And I might be able to help you better if you tell me what the whole problem even is.’ 

‘No. As always. We’ve been over this.’

‘We’ve been traveling together for years Jaskier, you can trust me. But since your so stubborn we can make camp together, but I’m not losing sight of you.’

‘Well that’s understandable,’ a smug smile formed on his face. ‘most people can’t resist watching me’ 

‘Hm’ he said, and they started getting all of their stuff together. A small fire to keep them warm and two bedroles placed close to each other. They both lied down and fell asleep, expecting to finally have a good night's rest. And Geralt slept really good for a while, until his enhanced senses woke him. Jaskier was awake, and he was all but calm.

He didn’t know what exactly woke him, his shifting in his bedroll, the coughing, the grunts, the swearing under his breath, he didn’t care, he needed to help him  _ now.  _ And he wasn’t about to let that idiot stop him. He could barely  _ breathe _ , dammit.

‘Jaskier.’ he said as calm as possible, but before he could say anything else, panicked blue eyes locked into his.

‘No.’ he said before coughing again. ’I never let you help why would that change now?’

‘Because I’m not letting you off this time. You can't wake me up in the middle of the night like this and act like nothing is wrong!’ He said as he started grabbing at Jaskier’s shirt, he needed to know what was wrong and he was gonna find out, whether that bard liked it or not. He started crawling away, he looked like a wild animal that’s just been caught while doing it. ‘I would normally be very flattered by anyone undressing me-’ He avoided another attempt at grabbing him ‘but I'm not in the mood’ And after that he turned on his knees, and choughed. That was when Geralt grabbed him and after a few seconds of struggling he-

_ he seemed to give in?  _

Jaskier was now sitting on his knees as he started crying. Geralt sat across him, still holding him by his arms, still afraid he might run.

‘Geralt please don’t-’ He cried out ‘I don't-’

‘I know, but I'm just trying to help’ He said as he started to remove the other man’s shirt. He was looking away still crying softly, but he didn’t fight him, not anymore. Geralt took off his shirt to reveal red and blue ribs, and around them, multiple layers of bandages. It wasn’t a monster that injured him long ago. It wasn’t a leftover scar from the djinn. It was Jaskier himself who caused his own pain. He understood about the need for a body that’s right, he was raised with the idea of having to change your body in order to hunt monsters. He just couldn't understand why he would hurt himself to this extend.

‘Why-’

‘I can't fucking function without them, Geralt. That’s why. It’s either this or staying in bed all day hugging a pillow close to my chest.’ He let out a little cough again, and a sad smile formed on his face. ‘I wanted to take them off when collecting firewood, but  _ someone  _ didn’t let me’

‘Jaskier you can’t breathe you need to take them off  _ now’ _

‘I know but.. well let’s just say breathing will be even harder for a while. So-’ He started fidgeting at the bandages. ‘just.. be warned.. or something’

‘Let me do it’ the witcher said, grabbing his knife. He saw the look on the bard’s face as he grabbed it, he looked shocked and like he could fight him over it again. ‘We’ll get you something better when you’ve recovered from this, this is only gonna hurt you’ And he started moving his hands, he put the knife under the bandages and started cutting through them. With every cut Jaskier started bending over a little, and Geralt had to put him straight after every cut. And Jaskier would only keep crying, and he would not look at him the entire time. Geralt felt  _ bad,  _ he wanted to help and he tried his best, but Jaskier just cried the entire time. ‘Jaskier, it’s all right.’ But he didn’t get any response. He made one last cut in the bandages and Jaskier just fell over. He put his arms around his chest and he curled up in pain, gasping for air. ‘Geralt I can't breathe’

‘Jaskier I know you can’ He said while handing him his shirt. ‘I’ll help you.’ He again didn’t get a response. He just saw a very panicked bard trying to put on his shirt, he stopped crying, but this still wasn’t any better. He helped him put on his shirt and pulled him up so he sat on his knees. ‘Jaskier, we’re gonna breathe in now’ So Geralt took a deep breath, expecting Jaskier to follow, and he tried to, but it took him a few attempts before his breaths started becoming deeper. ‘It hurts’ Jaskier finally managed d to say.

‘I know. Now breathe out. Slowly.’ He was still trembling, but he was breathing normally. He wasn’t gonna talk with him now, they were both tired and he’s pretty sure Jaskier was still panicking and he sure as hell still in pain. ‘We’ll talk about this tomorrow’

‘I'm sorry’

‘Just tell me next time something is wrong. Now let’s get back to bed.’ The witcher started helping Jaskier up, and supported him while walking back to their bedrolls. They lied down and Geralt listened to Jaskier breath freely again. He had almost almost fallen asleep when a certain bard started speaking again.

‘Geralt?’

‘Hm?’ He asked, not willing to protest right now.

‘Well, I guess I could’ve killed myself tonight. Well maybe not  _ tonight  _ but I definitely would have killed myself someday if things continued like this and-’ He was abruptly cut of by his own coughing.

‘Jaskier, get to the point’

‘Ah, well, I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you Geralt, a lot’

‘Hm. Go to sleep. Now’

‘If you insist. Look Geralt I-’

‘Jaskier, we’ll talk tomorrow. Now sleep.’

‘Goodnight, Geralt’

‘Mm. Goodnight’

He didn’t hear him talk after that. He just listened to his breathing, it still was a bit shaky, but it was getting better with every breath. He heard his heartbeat slowing down before he fell asleep too. They'll talk tomorrow. Right now the best thing the both of them could do was rest. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had high expectations for this and I have no idea if I lived up to it. But I feel like it's good so enjoy!

Geralt woke up pretty late, but he honestly couldn't care less. He didn't have to go anywhere specific and they had enough coin to survive for a while. Right now he needed to help Jaskier. That idiot deliberately bruised his own ribs if not worse, and knowing Jaskier he’d probably continue until it kills him. He needed to stop him until they found something better, and his ribs needed to heal. The bard was still asleep, he was lying on his back and his breathing was, well, it didn't look like he was having an easy time breathing. His breaths were shallow and uneven, but it was still better than last night. He watched him for a while, (and honestly how dare that idiot be so pretty) before getting up and starting to make breakfast. He was almost done when Jaskier woke up.

Waking up was less than pleasant. It wasn’t a bird that woke him, it wasn’t the sunlight on his face, it was the aching pain in his ribs. He lied on his back for a few seconds, before turning to his side and coughing. A lot. And the worst part was that it didn’t even help. It just made the pain worse. His ribs were already bruised and coughing wasn’t helping. He might as well find his bandages and put them back around his torso. It was either that or being very uncomfortable all day. And after that he would start the cycle again. Not binding wouldn't fix anything, so he started looking for his bandages when a memory came back.

‘ _ Fuck _ ’ Geralt knew. He knew about his chest and he destroyed his bandages. Jaskier knew Geralt was trying to help but he hated him for it. He was thankful that he helped him out of them and he was thankful he helped him breathe again but most of all he was thankful that Geralt didn’t push him away, he only wasn’t thankful for the fact that Geralt would probably retain him from binding until they found something that was safe. And by the gods Jaskier knew that there wasn’t anything safe out there. He told Geralt that he might die if things continued like this, and it was probably true. His ribs only needed to hurt really bad once for him to need to slow down, and a monster, angry relative from his late night adventures or just some angry townsfolk could get him.

It was half a loaf of bread that snapped him out of his thought train. Geralt stood before him, handing him breakfast. And for once he had no idea what to say. He really fucked up this time he thought to himself.

‘Good afternoon’ Geralt said while Jaskier took the loaf of bread.

‘I slept for that long? I never thought I’d see the day that the white wolf let me sleep in. But judging from the breakfast your making you also didn’t wake up at dawn’ And he let out a little cough again.

‘Hm. Your ribs?’

‘Ah, yes, my ribs, they're good. In fact they’re great’ He lied. ‘Yeah only I'm going to need a new pair of bandages since you destroyed them.’

‘Jaskier you're a terrible liar. Tell me the truth.’

‘I  _ am  _ telling the truth Geralt.’ He heard his heartbeat going faster. ‘Just because you didn't expect it doesn’t mean I'm lying’

‘Jaskier I can hear your heartbeat, I know when you’re lying. Now tell me. How are your ribs?’

‘Fine! They’re fucking horrible and every breath hurts. But the thing is that waiting isn’t going to fix anything. It will just mean that when they’re healed it will just start over. I will bind again and it will again become bad. So it isn’t going to fix anything. So Geralt give me a spare pair of bandages,  _ please.’ _

‘No. I told you we’d find something better, and until then you can let your ribs heal.’

‘Geralt, I don't think you understand, I can barely function without them. And if your not going to help I will do it on my own. Witch of course means I have to do it in secret, and thus I won’t ask for help when I need to and that means that I might die if it gets really bad because you will have no idea that it's bad. So I'm going to say it one more time. Give me a spare pair of bandages.’

‘Jaskier, please, I need you to listen to me.’ He looked the bard straight in his bright blue eyes ‘We’re gonna find something better fast. And until then you gotta let your ribs heal.’

_ Silence _

‘But since you're not going to respond now we’ll have breakfast. And I expect an answer before we make a plan.’

‘Fine. What did you make us? You seem to have really tried your best, normally you just put somethings on a plate that seem eatable.’

‘I made some stew with the leftover meat from two days ago, water and other stuff’

‘Sound delicious, old meat, water and other stuff. I'm sure it's better than, well most of your culinary creations. Not that I don't appreciate them it's just well, you don't really try like you did with this and-’

‘Jaskier, I know. Now get out of bed, I'm not bringing this to you’

‘Yeah I know, I'm coming’

Geralt walked back to the fire where the stew was cooking. It was boiling so he got it off the fire so it could cool down. He really hoped that that idiotic bard wouldn't do something stupid when he didn’t look. After all he probably knew where their first aid kit, bandages included, was. But he decided to trust him, he was his friend, after all. He was dividing the stew when Jaskier arrived. Today wasn’t very cold, summer was nearing, but despite that Jaskier was wearing at least two shirts and a doublet that was a little to big. Looks like he actually listened for once. So Geralt gave him one of his rare smiles, and handed him one of the bowls. It was his way of saying thank you, and Jaskier seemed to know, so he smiled back. It wasn’t one of his happier smiles, this one was much softer, almost a hurt smille. He took the bowl and sat down on a rock, shoulders hunched forward and looking at the stew. It was silent when they ate, and it wasn’t a good silence. Geralt didn’t mind a little bit of quietness most of the time, but right now he really wanted Jaskier to speak. And he just wanted to hold him and tell him that it was gonna be alright, that he would help him. But something stopped him, he didn’t know if it was the fact that it would probably hurt him, or just what he learned as a witcher. Don't show emotions. They will only make things worse. That’s why he wanted Jaskier to stop yelling in that inn yesterday and that’s why he didn’t comfort the bard when everything was over. Showing emotions will only cause trouble he kept telling himself. That smile was enough, it was-

‘I..uhm.. I suppose I still have some questions to answer,’ Jaskier said before letting out a cough that he seemed to have been holding in for a while. ‘so ask away’ The witcher did not respond, he still was trying to handle his own thoughts.

‘Well if your not asking anything I’ll start at the beginning. I was in fact born as viscount de Lettenhove, just under a different first name. I had a few sisters and pretty nice parents, but they just kept telling us how bad they wanted a boy. And all I remember telling them was that I was one but they just laughed at me every time. When I was thirteen puberty became a thing, and honestly? It scared me and I hated everything about my body. No one understood and after a year I ran away, as far as I know no one tried to find me. I met a mage who could give me a “male puberty” and I took that offer. The terrifying bleeding stopped and my voice dropped and I was the happiest I’d been in years. Only it didn’t change my chest which resulted in, well you saw it. Anyway I knew how to play the lute so I wrote bad songs so people would throw food at me so I at least had some food. That’s the short version, you want anything more?’

‘The mage?’

‘Ah yes, I don’t remember her name or anything really. I think I used the coin I stole at home to pay her, after that I was poor and had to survive on my own with almost no coin. So at first I begged for help while I tried to write good songs, and that wasn’t working so I wrote bad ones while looking for an adventure to sing about.’

‘Starting to catch up now. What happened in those four years?’

‘They were better than they were at home and I traveled with some people. But they left when they found out, all of them.’

‘Starting to understand your reaction. I’m almost too afraid to ask, but fuck it, you sleep with a lot of people’

‘Well yes I think that everyone already knows and that isn't even a question.’

‘How? Jaskier, the fact that you bled implies that you don't have a penis, so how?’

‘Well’ The now smirking bard said ‘obviously I keep my shirt on and… some people have made really realistic strap-on’s’

‘They never noticed?’

‘I assume they didn’t. None of them have ran away or tried to kill me later for it. Only angry relatives for messing around with their precious little thing. And honestly It’s ridiculous, I always make sure they’ve given me their consent.’

‘Most of them were drunk’

‘That’s not my fault, and I never do it with terrybly drunk people, and most of them walk up to me and they have no right to-’

‘A lot of them were married, they might have the right to be angry. But we’re getting off topic. Still have a few questions. How come your chest situation didn’t get this bad any sooner?’

‘Because I have been doing it for years and know what I'm doing. No don’t give me that look Geralt I really do know what I'm doing most of the time. When you go out hunting or just whenever I'm alone I take them off. Only the last few days didn’t allow it, so I couldn't take a break.’

‘You could've taken them off earlier if you just told me.’

‘Geralt, I don't think you understand, I can barely function like this. It feels weird and wrong and I'm not going to make a habit out of it. Not even now you know. Once they stopped hurting I  _ will  _ pick up my old habits again, even if we don't find something better. So don't say stuff like that.’

‘Your answer to the question I asked earlier?’

‘Of course that’s my answer! And I don't want to do this not even for a short while.’ He pointed angrily at the multiple layers of clothing. ‘It's hot and very uncomfortable so you should be happy I'm giving in this much.’

‘Jaskier, I told you I would find something better’ He said while looking the bard directly in the eye. ‘But I do understand, I think, so I know I can't stop you.’

‘No you bloody can't‘ He still seemed quite angry ‘And on top of that, don't you think I tried to find something better? I have been trying since I was  _ fourteen,  _ Geralt, if, and it's a big if, something better existed don't you think I would’ve already used it. I tried it all Geralt, and this is the best solution. Trust me.’

‘There has to be something better.’

‘Well why don't you tell me what it is Geralt!?’ He said while throwing his arms in the air. ‘Tell me how to stop killing my ribs because  _ honestly  _ do you think I don't want that.’ Another cough stopped him from yelling any further.

‘Jaskier, that’s not what I'm saying. I just want to help you, if you’d just let me.’

‘So tell me how you're planning on helping me, or just stay out of it.’

‘I… Uhm..’

‘Exactly, so just shut up about it’

And all that Geralt could do was look, he looked at how angry he was while all he wanted was to help. He just watched until he started walking to his bedroll, rolling it up, and for a moment the witcher was afraid he might leave. And he still didn’t know what to say, so he just watched, hoping Jaskier would break the silence like he always did. “ _ Don't leave Jaskier I need you”  _ was all he could think, and yet he couldn't say it aloud. He just watched him roll up his bedroll when he noticed something, his expression was getting softer and the fear of him leaving started to lessen. But it was still there, and he still stood there, frozen.

‘You got anywhere specific you want to go Geralt?’

_ Thank the gods he wasn’t leaving.  _ ‘As far away from this shithole as possible’ Jaskier let out a little laugh. 

‘Look I know it wasn’t fair to yell at you and I  _ am _ sorry. But please, don’t give me hope when there is none. It’s been like this for most of my life, I'll manage.’

‘Hm. You want to ride roach when we leave?’ 

‘Obviously that’s a yes’

The got up roach, Jaskier before Geralt leaning into him. He would never admit but he loved it when Jaskier was this close. He was playing a tune he never heard before.

‘New ballad?’

‘No, I'm just messing around a bit. You like it?’

‘I do.’

And he smiled, and Geralt was happy he was able to give him a smile after all that happened. He didn’t deserve any of this, he deserved to live a carefree life. He shouldn't have to worry about taking his shirt off.

They kept on riding, for weeks maybe, and they had no source of income. No contracts on monsters and Jaskier wouldn't perform until he was able to bind again while singing a whole show. And Geralt knew that that would be soon. And he hated it, he hadn’t thought of anything better yet. Right now he only bound his chest when they where near a town, and for some reason every evening. Whether the were camping or drinking in the local inn, he always bound his chest. Geralt did learn to love the nights camping in the woods, he still preferred an actual bed over his bedroll, but he did love how jaskier would sing song for him. These songs were different to the ones he sung in inns and taverns, they were slower and not meant for a bigger audience. Geralt always listened to them, sometimes he would sing them while they were making dinner, sometimes he would strum something after a long day, and Geralt would fall asleep to it. He loved those nights. This seemed to be one of them, they were sitting by the campfire and Jaskier was strumming the tune he played on roach all those weeks ago. Until he suddenly stopped.

‘Something wrong?’ Geralt asked

‘Yes, well not wrong but I think I might have an idea.’

‘About what?’

‘A better way to bind my chest’ The witcher looked up in surprise, he didn’t think Jaskier would bring it up himself. ‘I was thinking, if we find a sturdy fabric, and we put a rope through the end to connect it, we can tie it together on my back. I don't know  _ for sure  _ if it's better but it does sound a lot more comfortable than this’ He pointed at the bandages around his chest. ‘But, and I know I have no right to ask you, but I can't reach my own back that good, so if it would mean you’d probably have to help me put it on every day. Or at least until I find a way to do it myself’ He was now looking away, as if he was ashamed to ask for help.

‘It's worth a shot at least. And Jaskier, don't be ashamed when asking for help, it's a given I say yes most of the time.’

‘I know it's just- forget about it. Anyway do you have any idea how to get the fabric? We’re definitely broke so buying isn’t an option. You have any other ideas Geralt?’

‘Not a lot, except for making money. If you're able to perform and I can find a contract we might get enough coin together for an old piece of clothing, or hope someone threw something useful away and take that, either way we can cut in the right way and use that.’

‘Sounds like a good plan. So, Geralt, you're gonna hate me for this but I wrote a new song to sing in a tavern, and I need a test audience. It’s about a griffin and horrible village.’ He stood up and grabbed his lute

‘Do I even get a say in this?’

‘No’ He said with the biggest smile on his face and he started playing. And Geralt listened, like always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Comments always make my day, so feel free to write one!
> 
> You can also yell at me on [tumblr](https://marvelous-space-nerd.tumblr.com/)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried some new things and I just hope that it works. Anyway I did edit it a lot so it took a little longer to upload (and school is being a little bitch, that also didn't help the non-existent upload schedule). Enjoy!

Geralt was still watching Jaskier perform his ballad. He was dancing around the campfire, strumming his lute and singing about how the white wolf saved yet another village and how they kicked him out afterwards. He really loved how Jaskier sung about that shithole, no one would come there ever again when they heard it.

‘What do you think?’ He said after finishing.

‘Hm. Prefer your slower songs but it  _ is  _ a good song. So I like it.’

‘Great! I'll perform it in the next inn we see, might make some really good coin out of it.’

‘Just don't do something idiotic with your ribs.’

‘You're still angry about that aren’t you? I explained it all to you and if I may quote you, you said “I do understand, so I know I can't stop you” so don't try it Geralt. I already am way more careful than a month ago, and no I don't know how long that carefulness is going to last but right now I'm doing a pretty good job. So stop saying stuff like that.’

So he didn't say anything, he was right. He said he understood, so he shouldn’t want to stop him. And yet he wanted to stop him so bad. He shouldn't have to hurt himself like this, he should be able to live without this shit. So they just looked at each other for awhile, until Jaskier finally opened his mouth.

‘Look Geralt, I don't want to have to fight you over this all of the time.’So  _ please,  _ don't say stuff like that anymore.’

‘I just want to find a solution and.. uhm..’ He stuttered, he just didn’t know what to say anymore.

‘I know, but we made a plan, and yeah, it really sucks. But that’s just the way things are right now. So please Geralt, stop fighting me over it.’

‘Fine, but you gotta promise me to tell me when it hurts, stop making me guess.’

‘Alright I'll try. So-’

‘Jaskier don't just try, I need you to promise me.’

‘You serious? I don't want to distract you when you really need to pay attention to whatever foe you're fighting!’

‘Jaskier.’ He said gritty. ‘I need you to promise it’

‘Fine, I hereby promise thy Geralt of Rivia to tell you when my ribs really hurt. That satisfy you?’

‘Yes’

‘Good, so where are we headed? We really gotta find a contract soon, and I really want to perform again, so we’re going to a town with an inn or tavern. Preferably one where we don't get kicked out.’

‘Should be a reasonable sized town if we follow this road, so guess we’re headed in that direction’ He said while pointing at the nearby road.

‘Lovely. I'm not gonna sing you to sleep tonight’ He said when the witcher started looking up. He didn’t know Jaskier knew, he really thought he didn't notice. ‘Yes Geralt I know you like it and I won't tell anyone. Trust me.’

‘Hm. You going to sleep early?’

‘Geralt, I have never in my whole life gone to bed early. I want to play a game of gwent and preferably get drunk.’ He said.

‘Would love too but we don't have any drinks.’

Are you really sure about that? Did you think that I would leave the shitiest town on the whole continent without stealing something?’ He said while getting up and walking over to his stuff.

‘You stole from them?’

‘Don't say they didn’t deserve it. Anyway I saved it for a special occasion, you in?’

‘Of course, any specific deck you wanna play tonight?’

‘I feel like playing as the Northern Realms tonight, you?’

‘I'll play Nilfgaard.’ He said while finding their decks. 

‘Ohoho, the dreaded Nilfgaard.’ He was now holding a bottle of wine, or it looked like it could be wine. ‘You know it's really not fair when you use all of your special cards, which I know you will do when you use your nilfgaardian deck.’

‘Afraid to lose?’

‘Me? The famous Jaskier, one of the best minstrels in the Northern Kingdoms?’ He replied with a glint in his eye and a smile on his face ‘Never.’

‘Good. Let’s play.’

Geralt won the first round and Jaskier the second. Last round was a tie, and with Geralt playing as Nilfgaard he won this game. But the bottle was still left untouched, so Jaskier proposed that they’d play a drinking game. They’d take a big sip if they’d won a round, because the other way around he’d “Have no interest in winning anymore”. And they did, and Jaskier’s gwent skills somehow became a lot better. He won the next two games without any trouble.

‘Wow that’s some really strong wine. And just like where it came from it’s disgusting, I'm not even sure if you can call this wine’ Geralt could just see that the alcohol started to kick in after the second game and he couldn't wait until he won a round so he too could drink. ‘But wow, this will do the trick, you really gotta play a bit better Geralt, you're missing out’

‘I'll switch decks,’ He said while grabbing the rest of his cards. ‘I'll play monsters this round.’

‘Doubt you’ll beat me, I’m amazing at this game.’

‘And tipsy, so I’ll beat you’

Jaskier won the first round and Geralt the next two. Jaskier was right, whatever this was it tasted like shit but he couldn't care less. He really needed an evening doing nothing in particular, not worrying about anything at all, and this would definitely do the trick. And as the evening progressed the sips became bigger, until they just downed half of the bottle in one go. It was one of the best evenings they had in a long while. They both really needed an evening of drinking disgusting whatever it was and trying to think of something stupid to do. Jaskier started this with singing some of his ballads, the bad decisions started when he started singing who knows how many rounds of Fishmongers daughter while Geralt was busy telling him to stop. 

‘I'll stop when I'm dead, and you can't kill me because I'm fucking famous Geralt. It would give you more trouble than it's *burb* worth’

‘What if I just steal your lute?’ He got up and started walking to the other drunkard

‘I'll still sing it but I won't give up that easily, so fucking catch me’ And he ran away into the forest, still singing, and Geralt followed the sound of false singing and the poorest excuse of playing an instrument he’d ever heard. He just started another round and this time he seemed to stay in the same place.

_ ‘Oh fishmonger, oh fishmonger _

_ Come quell your daughter's hunger’ _

He really seemed to stay in the same place this round,

_ ‘To pull on my horn’ _

and he really was gonna stop him this round.

_ ‘As it rises in the morn _

_ For 'tis naught, but bad luck’ _

The sound started to become closer.

_ ‘To fuck with a puck _

_ Lest your grandkid be born _

_ A hairy young faun’ _

He saw him, he was standing in a clearing in the woods near a little stream and was singing to the rest of the forest, clearly hoping Geralt would come out of it.

_ ‘Bleating and braying all day, hey ho _

_ The fishmonger's daughter, ba ba _

_ The fishmonger's daughter, ba ba’ _

‘You really couldn’t think of something less repetitive when writing this?’

‘Don't you know? I wrote this song for you!’

‘It's the most annoying song I've ever heard, Jaskier.’

‘Exactly’ A smile from one ear to the other formed on his face as he continued to sing, still inviting Geralt to come and get him.

_ ‘The fishmonger's daughter, ba ba’ _

So he started walking towards the singing bard, and he walked backwards slowly,

_ ‘The fishmonger's daughter, ba ba ba’ _

and thus he didn’t watch his footing,

_ ‘The fishmonger's daughter, ba ba’ _

and that idiot fucking tripped backwards.

‘ _ The fishmonger's daughter, ba-  _ ah fuck! He said while falling, and Geralt saw this as a good opportunity to stop him. He still played one out of tune note before Geralt pinned him down and put his lute aside. And of course he wouldn’t shut up yet.

_ ‘The fishmonger's daughter, ba ba’ _

‘Is there even a way to shut you up?’

‘Not without putting something in my mouth, or as many bedmates did, by kissing me. But it doesn't seem like your planning on doing that so as I was singing..

_ The fishmonger's daughter, ba ba ba’ _

Kissing him huh? Doesn’t sound so bad actually, 

_ ‘Ta-da-da-da-ta, ta-da-da-da-da--’ _

so he did it. Before he even realized what he was doing he was kissing him, and Jaskier kissed him back. He still tasted like that horrible drink but it was still the best kiss he’s had in awhile, maybe even the best kiss he’s ever had. It wasn’t a very deep kiss, and yet it felt so passionate. Geralt pulled back and opened his eyes, and Jaskier was staring back at him, in disbelieve, but still processing what just happened. He got off Jaskier to physically give him some space to progress this, and in all honestly Geralt himself also needed to process it, he didn’t even know he wanted this until a moment ago. And now he just wanted more. He always wanted to hold him, help him, make sure he’s alright. In hindsight his feelings should have been so obvious to himself and yet.. he didn’t realise any of it.  _ Oh goddamnit Jaskier, please say something  _ he thought, he was so afraid of losing him because of his drunk decision making.

‘I.. Geralt… I'm sorry I-’ He finally said

‘Don't. This is my fault, I.. uhm..’

‘Do you..really want this Geralt?’

_ Yes, yes yes yes and a thousand times he wanted to scream.  _ But he still was a witcher, and they shouldn’t show emotions, but most of all he didn’t want to ruin their friendship by doing another stupid thing. And those thoughts stopped him from saying anything at all. Until Jaskier seemed to read his mind.

‘We’re okay Geralt, I just really need to know that this isn’t one of your very bad drunk decisions.’

‘I do mean it. I just didn’t realize it before and I..uhm..’

‘A lot is happening right now? Yeah I know. Geralt look, I have been in a lot of relationships, men and women, but none of them knew. So, and I know this will sound weird, let’s take it slow. Especially in the sleeping together department. A lot is happening and I don't think I can handle anything anymore if we go too quick. So please, no rush.’

‘Too much is happening to not take it slow, I agree. Let’s just go to sleep now, I'm tired.’

‘Great plan, do you have any idea how to get back? I did not pay any attention to how I got here so I'm really hoping you did.’

‘I just followed you, of course I didn't pay attention.’

‘Lovely, your witcher senses aren’t telling you any clue about where the fuck we are?’

‘I'm drunk, Jaskier, just like your senses mine numb down too.’

‘Well fuck. I don't know about you but I really don't feel like looking for it right now so let’s just collect some twigs and sleep on the moss.’

‘Hm’ He said while he started to collect some twigs, Jaskier was looking for the softest spot on the ground in the meantime. Jaskier pointed at a bed of moss, and Geralt realized that his twigs weren’t going to make things any more comfortable, so he dropped them and made his way over to Jaskier. They both lied down and Geralt didn’t think it was cold, Jaskier however was shivering a few inches away from him.

‘Come here, Jaskier.’ He said

‘What?’

He let out a sigh. ‘You’re shivering and I’m the warmest thing around, so come here.’

He mumbled some things while rolling over to Geralt, and he might’ve even heard a very soft ‘thank you, Geralt’ somewhere hidden in his almost inaudible mumbling. When he was close enough he put his arms around him and Jaskier did the same. And despite the cold and hard ground, the warm body pressed against him made sure it was the best sleep Geralt’s had in a while.

‘Ah, fuck.’

That’s not a nice thing to wake up to Geralt thought. The soft morning sun was shining on his cold face and he slept great. Besides the headache and the cold floor this was a perfect morning. The thing that worried him was that he knew Jaskier didn’t swear when he’d just woken up, not even when hungover. Before he knew it Jaskier was rolling away from him, he lied on his back and he just groaned. Geralt was also hung over but he didn’t react like this. Yes his head hurt but it wasn’t bad enough to just lie on his back and just groan, and they both drank the same amount of whatever that stuff was.

‘Ah Geralt!’ He said cheery as ever. ‘I see you're awake to, sleep well?’

‘I did. You okay?’ He asked. 

‘I.. You know what, fuck it. I told you I’d be honest so here it is, I forgot to take my binder off yesterday.’

‘Binder?’

‘Yeah, that’s how I decided to name my bandages from now on, figured it might sound a little nicer than bandages’

‘Does sound nicer. How bad is it?’

‘Not that bad as when you had to force me out of them, but it does hurt pretty bad.’ He said while for some reason letting out a little laugh, which looked like a bad idea. He directly bend over a little bit, hugging his chest. He started grabbing at his bandages-- no binder- when the pain seemed to have lessened a bit. He didn’t seem to be planning on taking his shirt off despite the fact that that made things significantly harder.

‘Let me help you.’ He said before he even realized it. He moved over to Jaskier, who was now sitting on his knees. He sat behind him hoping it would make him a little bit more comfortable. 

‘Don't cut them this time Geralt or we’re gonna run out soon.’

He smiled at that joke before helping him out of his shirt and finding the beginning of his “binder”. It still sounded weird, but at least it didn’t sound like he was hurt anymore. The word binding implies you’re holding something together, and yet he seemed to be losing control over his habits. One day it will get bad again, Geralt knew, Jaskier himself told him he has no idea how long his habits would stay this good. So he didn’t think binder was the right word. But he’d use it, if it makes Jaskier feel better.

‘Put your hands above your head.’ He said before starting to unravel the bandages ever so careful. He made sure not to touch him to make things even a little more bearable for him, or so he hoped. He’d already seen him unbound, heck he’s even seen his chest before, but Jaskier still looked so sad, maybe even ashamed every time he had to take them off. When he was done Jaskier directly put his shirt back on, and lied back down.

‘Better?’ The witcher asked.

‘A little bit. I just really wish things were different. I mean I didn't ask for this and it’s not like I did anything to deserve it, I think. Geralt did I do anything to deserve this or is destiny just this funny?’

‘As I said before, destiny is made up, it makes people think there’s an order to this horseshit. Also implies you can’t do something wrong and get, as you say it, punished like this.’  _ It’s not punishment, Jaskier you’re perfect as you are _ were the words he couldn't get out. ‘Just focus on breathing while I look for Roach.’ He said before turning around and trying to focus, hoping he’d hear Roach pretty soon.

‘Yeah sure, I’ll come and find you in a minute.’

He just didn’t expect to hear Roach neigh that loud when he started looking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will focus more on Jaskier in case you don't like the plot shift. I just wanted to take this story a bit slower to give it all a bit more weight.  
> Toss a comment to your writer! They always make my day and motivate me to write more!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be one chapter and now I spit it up so it would't get too long. Oops I guess.

The thing about hearing Roach neigh was that she usually was so calm. She only neighed when she was in direct danger, not when she was alone. Geralt started running towards the distressed horse. He heard Jaskier getting up before he went deep into the forest. And oh boy did the went deep into the forest, good thing they didn’t look for the camp because they never would have found it. The forest was densely packed with trees, bushes and quite a lot of animal shit. He found their camp relatively quick and he didn’t see bandits or witch hunters, but a family. They got a cart with two kids in there, one of whom was a hunchback. A man, the father Geralt presumed, was untying Roach and an older child, around fifteen was looking through their supplies.

‘Fuck’ This wasn’t what he was expecting, he was expecting dangerous people, people who he could fight and be over with, he wasn’t going to fight a hungry family. 

‘Step away from Roach, now.’

The man turned around, clearly shocked. He did seem to stop trying to steal his mare, but he wasn’t backing off.

‘Oh good gods,-’ Judging from the sound of his breathing he ran all the way, that idiot. ‘What’s happening here and hey you!’ He shouted at the teenager. ‘That my stuff don’t touch it!’ She seemed startled by this and returned to the cart, leaving all of Jaskier’s stuff on the floor. ‘Geralt’ He said while collecting his stuff. ‘What’s happening here?’

‘Couldn’t have phrased it better myself.’ The witcher said, looking at the man. ‘Talk.’ 

‘Look we don’t have any money and no food. Please forgive us we thought you died so stealing your stuff wouldn’t have mattered. I’m just trying to take care of my family, and as you can see, my youngest daughter is a hunchback. Please forgive a man who’s just trying to take care of my family.’

‘The hunchback isn’t going to add anything to my pity. I know one who turned out just fine and-’  _ Yennefer. That’s it. _

‘Geralt I don’t know what you were going to say but we can’t just leave them like this. They’ll die and we can miss some of this old meat right?’ No one would eat that meat anymore but Geralt couldn’t care less about the family anymore.

‘The hunchback’ He said, completely forgetting how to form a normal sentence

‘Yes Geralt that happens sometimes, buuutt we’re out of coin and even if we wanted to help them there’d just be no way.’

‘Yennefer.’ He just said, clearly confusing Jaskier even more. Who after staring for a while turned to the family.

‘Kind family, if you try anything now this witcher will slit all of your throats, so give us a moment. Geralt what the fuck on you on about?’

‘Yennefer, the hunchback, she-’

‘Geralt you’re not making any sense, I thought you liked Yennefer. You know what I’ll deal with this family while you do, whatever the fuck you’re doing right now.’ He went to their stuff and grabbed some of the older meat, even Geralt has no idea why they kept it, maybe if they truly would die from starvation they’d have something. He gave it to the kids in the cart and directed the man near roach to the old horse in front of the cart. ‘I would love to invite you over for tea but I have a witcher to make sense of. So just go on your lovely way and don’t die, good luck!’ He said with an angry undertone. He hit the horse so it would start to run, the man quickly seemed to have regained control over the cart after a while and he finally was on his way.

‘Geralt honestly, what are you on about?! I never liked Yennefer but even I am not comparing her to a hunchback! I might hate her but she is pretty, you  _ fucked  _ her Geralt. So what. are. you. on. about.’

He was still collecting his thoughts. He never told Jaskier but when he was hurt by the djinn, he noticed how Yennefer’s left shoulder was a little higher than her right one. He knew about how Aratuza changed their subjects appearances if they weren’t pretty enough. That’s how he figured out that Yen has been a hunchback. He didn’t ask her but he was pretty sure about it. But that would mean that they changed her entire bone structure, so a man’s chest would be possible too right?

‘-really Geralt just say something.’ He didn’t even realise the bard was still talking. ‘Hey, earth to Geralt.’ He snapped his fingers. ‘You still in there? Helloooo?’

‘Explain later. Clean up our camp and  _ stay  _ here, I gotta go somewhere’ He wasn’t going to give him false hope, he’d tell him when he was sure about. He got on Roach and started walking to the nearest town, hoping he’d find a sorceress, preferably Yennefer. But any other mage would do.

‘Geralt where the  _ fuck  _ are you going? Oh you better have a good explanation for this when you come back because guess what? I’m fucking furious with you right now!’ 

_ fuck, this might be a really bad idea.  _ He stopped Roach the moment he realized it.

‘Fuck.’

‘No Geralt don’t  _ “fuck”  _ me.’ That came out wrong. ‘Explain to me why you almost ran away! You called Yennefer a hunchback, and honestly I don’t mind that and you got on Roach ready to sprint away!’

He just stared at him, not knowing what to say. He probably stared for a while because Jaskier’s expression softened, and he asked the last thing he’d expect:

‘Geralt,  _ darling _ , what’s wrong? Talk to me  _ please _ .’ He had called him darling many times before, but somehow this time it hit different. He dropped his anger, and oh god he had all the right to be angry, and he was now making that he was alright. He got of Roach and resisted the urge to pull Jaskier into a tight hug, knowing that right now it would only make him uncomfortable.

‘I want to help you.’

‘Geralt I honest to god don’t get how running away is going to help me. Why did you do it?’

‘I can’t tell you until I’m sure Jaskier’

‘So I just have to forget this ever happened?! Geralt you owe me an explanation and I mean right now, not in god knows how many months.’

‘I’ll explain once I find a mage, okay?’ Fuck, he might have already said too much

‘Actually no. But you don’t seem to want to give in, it’s not like I have many choices. But I'm not letting this one slide.’

‘Jaskier.’

‘Fine, but it better be one hell of an explanation. I’m really not going to let this one slide.’

‘You never let anything slide.’

‘That might be true, so you of all people should know to not pull stuff like this on me.’

‘Hm.’

‘A good conversationalist, charming as always. We gotta clean up our camp so I can perform tonight and I’m not planning on getting your stuff. That girl really made a mess and unlike you I’m not just gonna stuff my stuff in random bags.’

‘Jaskier you never get my stuff why would I ask that from you now?’

‘Because my dear witcher, you are taking me for granted and-’

‘That’s not true Jaskier, just trust me, okay? It will save you a lot of hurt if I’m wrong.’

‘Fine! But only because I know you’re just as stubborn as me.’

‘Hm.’

They packed up and started walking towards the next town, Geralt on Roach and Jaskier walking next to them. The journey was quite easy, except for Jaskier’s occasional ‘Geralt what are you planning on I just  _ have  _ to know.’ The town was quite big and bonus, people didn’t stare at them as if he just murdered someone. The town was near Oxenfurt, and that would mean that the chances of finding a contract grew slimmer, but right now it was their best bet on finding a contract. The more people there are, the more monsters already left. They saw an inn, and suddenly Geralt was reminded how much he missed sleeping in an actual bed.

‘I’ll try to make a deal with the innkeeper, you go and look for a contract or execute your secret plan.’

‘Hm. Try not to kill anyone while you’re in there’

He let out a very dramatic gasp ‘Geralt I would never! When have I ever killed someone??’

‘You haven’t yet, but knowing you you’d probably start a brawl if you can’t strike a deal. See you later.’ He turned around going to the notice board first. There was a nekker nest near the city and they’d happily pay a witcher to get rid of it. It said to go to the innkeeper for more information, so he’d do that tonight, first he had to find a mage so he knew if they could help Jaskier. He really hoped this town was accepting of mages and had one, a good one, not some shitty I-found-a-book-and-now-I-do-magic-in-the-attic kind of mage. Those weren’t good for anyone, not for themselves nor the customer. He asked around a bit and his best bet was the local healer, who presumably used magic. He lived in quite a big house for a healer, the house even had came glasswork windows.

‘Don’t knock on the front door if you want him to trust you’ is what one of the peasants who helped him said, what he didn’t clarify is where he  _ should  _ knock. So Geralt looked around for a while, there was a back door, but that seemed way too obvious to Geralt. Instead he looked at the windows, they all had different patterns on them, but none of them had anything to do with the gods like most came glasswork. He saw one with a fist on it and decided to knock on that one. The front door opened and a man who, despite the time, seemed to be wearing pajamas.

‘Watch out that came classwork isn’t cheap! If you need healing just knock on the front door!’

‘Hm.’  _ Where the fuck should he have knocked? _ ‘Not here for your healing but for your,’ He paused when considering his words ‘night job.’

He let out a sigh. ‘Come in, don’t want you yelling in the streets.’ The witcher walked in and the rich looking facade directly faded. It was a mess in there. Books all over the room, discarded clothes, dead plants,rats and a lot of empty and half full bottles. Unbelievable that this was his best bet.

‘Let’s get this over with shall we? What do you need oh dreaded master witcher?’

‘Need to know some stuff. If you don’t know it I need to contact someone.’

‘Spill it. I don’t have all day.’

_ He did not think this through.  _ ‘Need to know if I can trust you first.’

‘Master witcher, I'm a mage, if I get caught I die. I don’t like risking all this despite the fact that it’s shitty. If you pay me good I have no reason to risk anything.’

_ Fuck he really didn’t think this through  _ ‘I don't have a lot of coin right now. I do have a contract.’

‘Then come back once you have coin. I’m not going anywhere and if you tell me when I might even be sober.’

‘Tomorrow morning.’ He immediately regretted it. Nekkers weren’t terrybly hard to fight but he always was exhausted after a contract, especially when he had to execute them at night.

‘Fine. Knock on the front door next time.’

‘Hm.’ He turned around and started walking towards the inn, hoping to execute this contract quick.

*

The inn seemed to be loud. He could hear the cheering people and the strumming of a lute before he even got in. He walked in and he could feel the energy raging around the room, and Jaskier was the cause of it all. It made him so happy to see him smile and perform again, so he decided to let him and go to the innkeeper instead.

‘What can I get you?’ She said. She was quite young and had red hair and bright blue eyes. 

‘Here about the contract. Said you needed a witcher.’

‘The nekker one? You’re at the right place.’

‘I know. I saw the notice.’

‘Right, I’d rather speak in the back room, it’s loud in here.’

‘Hm.’ And he followed her. She guided him to a small room, there was a bookshelf and a round table, and nothing more. For being a inn in a big town it looked like they were quite poor. They sat down, and he didn’t get offered a drink, the lady however was drinking a pint.

‘So. Thing is, there’s a nekker nest down the road.’

‘I read the contract. I need details before I can agree on a price.’

‘Fine, we didn’t really know it was there until they attacked two meritants. One died and the other told the story.’

‘What’d they look like?’

‘Like nekkers he said. Small, ugly and a lot of them. You agree to the price?’

‘I do, unless there’s some surprises. You have to pay double if you’re lying.’

‘If I was I wouldn't know I was lying.’

‘Good. I'll bring proof.’

‘Good luck master witcher.’

‘Hm’

He got out of the room to see Jaskier finish his song when they made eye contact.

‘Geralt!’ He said like nothing ever happened. ‘I didn’t see you come in, you found a contract?’

‘Yes, nekkers. But I doubt there will be much coin left.’

‘That’s okay, I made a deal here. I need to perform today and we’ll get one room and leftover food. Oh and I put Roach in the stables, I made sure that she would be included too.’

‘She’ll appreciate it. I have some nekkers to tend to now.’

‘Okay just, be carefull Geralt, you still owe me an explanation.’

‘I’m alway careful Jaskier.’

‘Trust me, you're not. But the crowd is demanding my attention again, so good luck Geralt.’

‘Hm.’ He might have said something different if they were alone, maybe he would have thanked him, or mocked him for his concern, maybe he would have let out a smile. Oh how that idiot made him weak, but he still didn’t want everyone to know that witchers do care, that they were only good at stuffing their emotions deep down until they thought they were gone. Or at least far enough to not be felt anymore.

The nekker contract went relatively well. He got one cut on his left arm but otherwise he had no injuries. The nest wasn’t very big, he found only three nekkers near it and destroyed it after he slayed them down. He scouted the area for more nests, because he’d never seen only one nekker nest in his life, and found a second one. Four nekkers this time. One of them attacked his arm but he slayed it down without any trouble. He destroyed this nest too and tied one of the nekkers head to Roach, as proof. He destroyed this nest and didn’t find any others, so after a few hours of hunting, he started making his way back to the inn.

Back at the inn Jaskier was still playing, he was sweating and honestly he looked like a tomato. But he was smiling bright as always. He started singing ‘Toss a coin’ when he noticed Geralt come in with the decapitated head of a nekker. The audience didn’t seem to appreciate Geralt a lot, so they turned their attention back to Jaskier, who somehow seemed to be flirting with the  _ entire _ audience.

‘Seems like you did a good job. All of them dead?’ The innkeeper said when Geralt came closer.

‘Didn’t find anything else in the meadows.’

‘Good, not gonna deny your pay, you deserved it. You know what? I’m in a good mood, you get an ale on the house, I’ll be right back.’ And she walked off. Geralt took this as a good opportunity to watch Jaskier perform again. He still was singing toss a coin and he was still flirting with everyone in the audience, but Geralt loved just watching him smile and dance around the room.

The innkeeper threw a bag of coins on the bar and put a big mug of ale next to it. ‘Here you go.’

‘Thank you. Any reason you’re in such a good mood?’ 

‘I love seeing bards perform. Most of them make really good music and cheer everyone up, like this one. Only he seems to be exhausted sooner than most. He’s taken a lot of breaks already just to catch his breath. Well he’s probably fine if he keeps performing like this.’

‘Even if he wasn’t he’d never admit it.’

‘You know him? Never thought a witcher had a soft spot for a bard.’

‘We travel together. I have an adventure, he makes a song out of it.’

‘Good. By the way, will you please throw that nekker head out on the street, it’s starting to smell.’

‘Fine.’ He said, but he’d do it gladly. Most people weren’t so kind to witchers, but this innkeeper gave him free ale. So he threw the head far away, so it wouldn't scare away the guests. He went back in and drank his ale, and he paid for a bath. Even Geralt has to admit it, monster guts stink, and otherwise he’d just have Jaskier whine at him all night about how bad he smells.

He went to the inn’s bathroom, without Jaskier, unlike their usual routine. He had no idea how to use all of the salts and oils and soaps Jaskier always used, so he just settled with the bar of soap that stood near the window. He washed himself and stayed in the tub until the water had turned cold. He put on his pants and shirt and put his armour in a bundle he carried with him on his way downstairs, he had no idea which room was theirs. Only his steel sword was still strapped to his back. He went downstairs to find Jaskier completely exhausted, drinking a big pint of ale. He was chatting and possibly flirting with the lady behind the bar. He stopped the moment he saw Geralt.

‘Geralt!’ He said. ‘How did the hunt go? Heard it went pretty well from this lovely lady.’ She rolled her eyes when he said that and turned to another customer. ‘She really seems to be immune to my charms. Oh well, what can you do about it?’

‘Hm’

‘Look I wasn’t planning on doing anything more than a little bit of flirting Geralt, trust me. But I know you don’t want to talk about it so how did the hunt go? I saw you come in with a monster head so I'm presuming it went pretty well, but I’d like some more detail to maybe put in my next ballad.’

‘Not a lot to tell. Two nests of nekkers, one scratched my arm.’

‘Did someone already take a look at it? your arm I mean, not the nests.’

He let out a sigh. ‘No, presume you're gonna do that.’

‘I'm your  _ friend  _ Geralt, possibly even more. Of course I'm going to take a look at it. Let’s go upstairs.’ He said before drinking what was left in the mug. ‘She was so kind and gave us a pretty big room, so no one has to sleep on the ground. Come on.’ They walked upstairs and only now Geralt took a good look at everything. The bathroom was the first room they passed, and there were seven other rooms. They had the one in the back. It was a pretty big room for the fact that Jaskier only had to play one night to get it. There was one double bed in the middle of the room and they had enough room to put their stuff on the ground, so Geralt put his stuff next to Jaskier’s. It landed with a big clatter that might have woken the whole city. There was a table with three chairs, and honestly even Geralt couldn’t make sense of why they would put three chairs in a room with a double bed. Jaskier grabbed one of the chairs and turned it so it was facing away from the table.

‘Sit down, which arm was it? I don't believe you’ve told me.’

‘Left. It already stopped bleeding.’

‘Good.’ He put their first aid kit on the table and put a chair on Geralt’s left side. ‘Well? take off your shirt, I can't work my magic if there’s fabric all over the wound.’ And Geralt obeyed and took it off. Most of the blood had already been washed of by the bath he took, but there was still quite a big scalp on the wound.

‘It’s probably nothing.’ He said, not wanting to make Jaskier worry when it wasn’t necessary.

‘I know, but I do want to clean it with alcohol so it’s definitely nothing. I really appreciate it that you took a bath but that isn’t going to do as much against infections as this.’ He held up the bottle and put some on a clean rag and started cleaning the wound. ‘You know what Geralt? This one might not even leave a scar if you take good care of it!’

‘Thank you, Jaskier.’ He said after he was done. He put another white salve on it before putting a bandaid around it.

‘Don’t mention it, I always do it.’

‘I know, and I can never thank you enough.’

‘You can, by letting me do it, like now. The Geralt from a few years back would never let me fix a bloody stab wound without a lot of protest.’

‘Still not forgiven me for that?’

‘Forgiven? Yes. But I’ll never forget it or make sense out of it, so I’ll keep teasing you about it until I die, if that’s what your getting at.’

‘Don’t die on me Jaskier.’ He didn’t even know why he said that, just the thought of Jaskier being gone scared the shit out of him.

‘I’d love to Geralt. Have adventures with you for centuries to come, but’ a pause. ‘I'm only human.’

Another sigh. ‘I know, I just wish I could make you immortal, or make you live as long as a witcher.’

‘I know, and I’d like that, I don’t want to leave you behind but’ He let out a sigh. ‘I think that the djinn might have been our only chance at that. I never expected that from you or anything, maybe I'm just disappointed with how you used your last wish to fuck a witch.’

‘Jaskier, I am sorry about that.’

‘I know. Get in the bed, I'll be there in a minute.’ He said before moving to the toilet room. ‘Oh and Geralt?’

‘Hm?’

‘I already put my stuff on the window side, so please lie on the other side of the bed.’

‘I will’ He went to the bed and lied down. He didn’t fall asleep until he heard Jaskier come back and fall into the bed. And before he knew it he was talking to the bard again.

‘They hurt bad?’

‘My ribs? Not bad no, they could be better, but it was so worth it.’ He could just hear in his voice that his eye was sparkling. ‘I really missed giving big performances, a lot.’

‘I know, please don’t make it any worse.’

‘I'll try, but no promises, I don’t know how long I’ll hold out.’

‘Hm. Goodnight.’

‘Goodnight Geralt.’

*

He left at dawn that morning, before Jaskier woke up. He did leave a not however, so Jaskier wouldn’t have to worry about him.

> I'll be back soon.
> 
> \- Geralt  
> 

He wasn’t the best when it came writing notes, or just writing in general. He went to the healer’s home and knocked on the front door. Unlike last time he was wearing a doublet and matching pants and he didn’t smell like alcohol anymore, unlike the rest of his house.

‘You have coin?’

‘Wouldn’t have come otherwise.’

‘Good, come in.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so the thing about Yennefer was based on something said in the books in case you were wondering. Also leave a comment! I almost alway write at least another page if you leave one and they truly make my day!!  
> You can also find me on Tumblr (same name as here)  
> Edit: School is in fact trying to kill me so next update will take a bit longer but I'm not abandoning this!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man am I happy school is pretty much done and that I can write again.

The mage's house was a bit tidier than last night. The empty bottles were put on one big pile in the corner instead of discarded around the house, and that was pretty much it. The house was still a mess and the stench from days and nights drinking alone still hung in the room and the pile of books seemed to have grown bigger. 

‘Okay master witcher, let’s finish this quickly so I can get back to my daily routine. What’s your problem. The price will be fair.’

‘I need information about the body transformations in Aretuza.’

‘How the fuck am I supposed to know anything about that? I didn’t went there, I’m a druids mage you idiot. I am unlike those witches fertile.’

‘You know something at least.’

‘Fine, from what I’ve heard it’s part of the process of making the students infertile. While they do that they can change the appearance of their subjects. And they have a no outsiders policy, so you can’t have it.’

‘It’s not for me.’

‘Yeah, I don’t care. Anything else?’

‘I need to contact another mage. Directly.’

‘I have a megascope, if they have one I can contact them. What’s their name?’

‘Yennefer of Vengerberg.’ He knew it was probably gonna be hard to convince her but her trusted her so much, he knew that she would do it right if he could convince her. He just didn’t trust anyone else when it comes to important matters like this.

‘I need you to write down your name first, so that if you run off I can make them arrest you.’

He pulled out a piece of paper. It said Alexander of Lyria, healer. It had a lot of names under it and it seemed to be something administrative. The filled in his name under the last one and turned to the mage.

‘Alexander of Lyria?

‘That’s my name. I have nothing to do with Lyria anymore, that shithole.’ He spat at the floor while saying that.

‘Hm. Geralt of Rivia.’

‘Good. It’s upstairs, follow me.’

It was tough navigating through the piles of clothes, books and bottles. It truly was a wonder this man seemed to live here alone. It the mess got really bad the moment they went up the first pair of stairs but the attic seemed to be cleaned up.

‘The attic isn’t such a mess.’

‘Yeah, this is where I do magic. People could die if I'm not careful.’

‘Reassuring.’

‘Don’t, just don’t. I’ll do my magic and you need to step back, if it goes wrong you could be ripped to pieces. Don’t move, don’t speak until I tell you to. Got it?’

‘I do.’

‘Repeat it. What do you need to do?’

‘I'm not a child, Alexander, I don't need to repeat anything.’ And even Geralt knew that megascopes weren’t  _ that  _ dangerous, and definitely not if you only used them to talk.

‘You do, or I’ll won’t do this.’

‘For a mage you don’t seem to be keen on magic. Fine, I won’t move, won’t talk until you tell me to do so.’

‘Good enough. Now stand by the wall next to the door. So  _ if _ something might occur you can run, if they guards find out I’m fucked.’

He didn’t say anything after that. He went to the door and stood against the wall, watching how this mage was fiddling with the crystals. He readjusted everything twice before stepping back and turning to Geralt.

‘I need to read your mind about her, I need to know who I’m summoning.’

‘Can't I just tell you about her?’ He asked with an angry undertone.

‘No, I won’t look at anything else. Just make sure she’s the only thing you’re thinking about.’

‘You better not.’

‘That’s all in your hands. I will only read the thoughts on the surface, now think about Yennefer.’

So he tried his best to only think of her: Yennefer of Vengerburg, Lilac and goosberries, black hair, violet eyes. Met when I hurt my best friend, Jaskier. He was hurt and he still is hurt only now he- 

‘Witcher! I do not care about your friend right now. But fine, that’s enough information.’

‘How much did you see?’ He needed to know, he might not care about himself, but if people find out about Jaskier’s past they might be a real bitch about it. He never really got why people would do it, he was just a man like any other man. His body just didn’t do the right thing. And if something is wrong with your body you should fix it, not try to hide it from everyone and hurting yourself in the process. Everyone deserves to be comfortable in their own body, especially Jaskier. And he definitely didn’t deserve to get attacked by stupid people.

‘Not much. I know enough about Yennefer and I know that you care an awful lot about this “friend” of yours.’ He said while making airaquotes. ‘Nothing more nothing less. Stopped you before you told me too much.’

‘Hm.’

‘Now stay put and-’

‘Don't move or talk unless you say so. I know you’re bitter and awfully worried about doing your job but aren’t you overreacting.’ Apparently hat was the wrong thing to say, the mage seemed furious. He stepped closer until they were face to face, well they would be face to face if the mage wasn’t an entire head shorter than the witcher, but he did stood awfully close. He could see all of the tension in his facial muscles and how he was ready to spit in his face if proved necessary.

‘I have my reasons.’ A bit of spit flew from his lips ‘Now shut your fucking mouth.’ He turned away and took a few deep breaths. After a while of either consentrating or calming down he said something in elven before a blue-ish bubble appeared. It took a while before it seemed to focus but when it did he recognised some of Yennefer’s stuff, but she was still nowhere to be seen. He looked over at the mage who seemed to be relieved, still angry, but relieved that everything went well, so he kept waiting. After a while he heard something on the other side.

‘And who is this? I don’t recognize your magic and- Geralt!’ She was wearing black and white as always, and he was sure she also smelled like lilac and gooseberries, as always.

‘Yennefer. Alexander is it okay for us to talk alone?’

‘Fine, but I'll be right outside and you better let nothing happen.’

‘I won’t, thank you.’ He went outside and closed the door. He heard him lean against a wall before Yennefer spoke again.

‘So you managed to find the bitterest mage on the continent. Didn’t expect anything else from you. But I’m sure you have your reasons to contact me like this, so speak up.’

‘I need your help.’

‘Figured as much, what did you do this time? After that I'll see what I can do.’

‘It’s not for me, I want to help Jaskier.’

‘Geralt you’re gonna have to tell me more, and you better have a good reason for it. Me and the bard aren’t exactly friends.’ 

He couldn't get himself to speak. Jaskier never even  _ told  _ him, and he trusts him with his life. The only reason he knew was because he woke up while Jaskier could barely breathe. He never choose to tell him, he just got caught. He felt like he was about to spill the biggest secret on the world when the owner of it was trying to do everything to keep it a mystery. He thought he was completely ready to do it but he wasn’t ready to betray him like that. Sadly knowing Yennefer she’d probably never let this go, he just has to find a subtle way of telling it. He knew Yennefer wouldn't care about it at all and still treat him like a piece of shit so it would probably be fine. But it still felt wrong.

‘Come on speak up, I can’t read your mind from here.’

‘You know I don't like that.’

‘Yes, and I can't do it right now. So stop wasting my time and tell me, I have a feeling what this is about and you’re either gonna confirm or deny it right now.’

‘What do you know?’ He snarled at her.

‘No need to get angry, but I'll only tell if you talk first. We might not be the best of friends but I won’t spill secrets. Now speak up before I run out of patience.’

He felt like this was it. No way back after it.  _ Now be subtle Geralt _ . ‘His chest is.. abnormal.’ He still didn’t want to spill his secrets to anyone, and he was pretty sure the other mage was still listening. Yennefer’s words obviously didn’t help but he did trust her with his life. He knew that she wouldn't hurt him on purpose so she definitely wouldn't hurt Jaskier. ‘I know about your body transformation and thought, that, well,’ He let out a sight. ‘Maybe you could help him.’

‘How do you know?’ She was trying to hide the fact that she was angry now, or at least protective of her own secrets.

‘Saw your left shoulder a little above the right with the djinn’s business. The rest was just connecting the dots.’

‘Fine,’ She was so bitter about it ‘just don’t tell this to anyone. And I know about his chest, surprised it took you so long. Had to make sure he didn’t die remember? Lungs and ribs are a pretty big part of breathing, so I checked it. I was surprised by it but it wasn’t my business, so I did for what I would get paid. Which was making sure he didn’t die, not digging around in his secrets.’

Of course she wouldn't admit that she wanted to capture the djinn, not even after all this time, but he had more important matters on his mind right now.‘Yen, can you help him?

She seemed to think about it for a while. ‘Possibly, yes. I just can’t do it for free.’

‘Just like that?’ He really didn’t expect things to be this easy. ‘You and Jaskier aren’t exactly great friends.’

‘Yes. And I’ll lower the price just because it’s you.’  _ It really couldn't be that easy. _

‘Yennefer I know would never help someone she doesn’t like.’

‘It’s a bit more complicated than that Geralt, I pity the man. Yes even I care about people so don’t give me that look.’

This was all wrong. Yennefer who used to scream that she wanted everything was now saying she’d just help Jaskier, and all that she asked for was something to make sure she can pay the materials. Something was off and it couldn't be that she’d just help him without some sick twist to it. He of course hoped there wasn’t, but this was still Yennefer.

‘Not about your womb?’

‘Geralt even I know you can’t just steal someone's womb, besides it’s very much possible I need it for the spell. Also I need him to agree on it too, I don’t know if he knows you're doing this but don’t make it a surprise. It’s probably gonna cost him his fertility.’

‘It won’t speed up his aging or something right?’ It was the one thing he worried about, they talked about it last night and he only now realized it has always been in the back of his head since. And removing organs couldn’t be extremely good for the body.

‘No. If he wants I can even prolong his life, make him age as slow as a witcher, I could even teach him how to do magic to make him immortal but do you really want to do that to him? He has always lived as a human and for one to suddenly become immortal..it would mean watching everyone die, except for you and me. And you’re already old for a witcher, so he’ll probably have to watch you too.’

‘Tell him that yourself, and I assure you he’ll give his permission to do so.’

‘You, Geralt, are selfish. But fine, as long as he agrees I agree. And I of course get paid reasonably. I need to pay for food and supplies too Geralt, so I can’t do it for free, not even for you.’

‘I know, where do we meet you?’

‘I don’t have the supplies to do that kind of magic here, only place I can think of is Aretuza. And I was  _ not  _ planning on going back there.’

‘Kaer morhen?’

‘Possibly, but that is pretty far away, I can portal there, but since I’m assuming you’re coming too, you will just ride on horseback just to avoid another portal.’

‘Good point. Any other ideas?’

‘I just need the right stuff, Kaer Morhen is the best option. How long will it take you to get there?’

‘A week, maybe longer. Let’s say two.’

‘Good, see you then, hopefully for the both of you I won’t change my mind. If  _ you  _ do let me know, I don’t want to show up there with all my stuff and not see you. If you don’t, see you in two weeks  _ if  _ he agrees, goodbye Geralt.’

‘Goodbye, Yennefer.’ She left when he finished that sentence, the crystals didn’t light up anymore and he would see her again in a week, or so he hoped. He still had to pay the mage, and tell Jaskier about it before they set out. How hard could it be?

‘Geralt?’ He heard the mage say while coming in. ‘All done? '...' 'pay up.’ He never thought he’d see the bitterest mage on the continent ask him if the conversation was done before fallingback into his usual routine of being an asshole. Something was off even Geralt could see that.

‘You’re act is falling, Alexander.’

‘It’s none of your business, pay up and leave please.’ His voice cracked when he said leave, something happened with him while he was talking with Yennefer, but he didn’t want to care about him, he had more important matters on his mind. And yet he didn’t leave, he just watched at the man who was so bitter all of this time, and now he just seemed hurt. ‘You going to say anything? Look today was a tough day for me, and you made sure of that, I-’

‘No.’ He said, he was done with his act.’I gave you a job for today, and it wasn’t that hard. I gave you an income for you to drink away whatever’s left of you. So stop. acting. like that.’

‘You reminded me of someone, and I don’t like it one bit. Now pay up and go before I call the guards.’

‘You’ll get in more trouble than me.’

‘I just can’t find the room to care anymore.’

He paid him and he left. It wasn’t any of his business, he barely knew the man. He didn’t ask for his help so he stopped meddling in his business and he left. Back to Jaskier.

_ Fuck _

He needed to talk with him. He told his secret to her without his consent. He really was an idiot he knew that, but hopefully Jaskier will look past that and just think about how he’ll finally be able to take his shirt off- no just live his day to day life without hurting his own ribs and at least not get angry about it. Even if he did he technically didn’t  _ tell  _ her she already knew it, it wasn’t within Jaskier’s knowledge but she still did know before he told her so he would have absolutely no right to be angry. 

Luckily for him the walk to the inn wasn’t too long and he didn’t have loads of more time to dwell onto it. He never adjusted his pace and he walked into the inn. He didn’t see Jaskier yet so he started walking towards their room. He was stopped by the innkeeper greeting him.

‘Witcher!’

‘Never caught your name.’

‘Rhona. You are judging from the bard’s songs the white wolf, Geralt of Rivia.’ He was almost fond of much that idiot sung about him. ‘Speaking of him, he wasn’t too happy with your departure. Came here at breakfast and told me about everything. I’m generally not interested in other’s stories but in this one you were being a real asshole. So you might wanna go and explain yourself to him.’

‘I was just about to do that, thank you Rhona.’

‘Sure. Also he told me how much of an idiot you were so I’m going to say it straight to your face. He cares about you loads, don’t throw it away.’

‘I know, thank you.’

‘Good. Now go explain yourself to him.’

‘As said before, that was the plan Rhona.’

‘Just making sure. Good luck.’

He nodded at her as he left. He went up the stairs and he found himself looking at all the decorations, they were Skellige. In hindsight he did hear a little bit of an accent when speaking with Rhona but she did a good job at masking it. The decorations were subtle, no big purple banner with a boat on it, just some stuff that was unique to Skellige. Some plates and other kitchen wear and some weaponry. The combination of tableware and weapons was surprisingly nice to look at. He thought that it probably had to do with the warriors have a home too or some shit. Or maybe it was just the colours, he didn’t know, it was still nice to look at. The plates were nicely decorated with bright colours to show the Skellige pride and the weaponry was- 

‘Geralt, even I can see that you’re stalling.’

Jaskier just stood leaning against the doorframe a few meters away. His arms and legs were crossed and his eyes were looking directly at Geralt. To his great surprise he didn’t seem angry at all, just curious.

‘Fine don’t say anything about the stalling then. You definitely were if that’s what you were going to say.’ He wasn’t. He was a witcher, a fearless creature who definitely didn’t stall on talking to his good friend. ‘I'm not angry if that’s what you're wondering. I will be if you don’t get over here and explain yourself right now, but we’re fine for now. So-’ He stood up and made some gestures telling him to come in. ‘Come in and fucking explain yourself.’

Even Geralt knew the not being angry was a lie. He maybe wasn’t angry about him leaving but he was probably angry about the fact that he never explained a thing. And he had the right to be, he was being an asshole about it. He just really hoped he’d understand once he told everything. He walked in the room and everything besides the smell was still the same. He could still faintly smell some sweat but mostly it smelt like Jaskier’s oils. It was nice. He sat on one of the chairs by the table while Jaskier stood next to it with his hands on his hips.

‘Well?’ He asked.

‘Well..’ He repeated while he let the memories of how it all started come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why did Yennefer just agree?? only I will know unless I get to exited and tell it to everyone. Also writing OC's is so much fun.  
> Leave a comment!! They make my day and they motivate me to write even more!!


End file.
